Change of Heart, Change of Mind
by GoodnightClover
Summary: The life of a ninja is not an easy path, where injury and death are harsh realities. Some would consider an attempt to live such a life with no memory of who they are to be suicide-but She knows that she must in order to discover her forgotten past... Eventual OCxCannon.


**Change of Heart, Change of Mind: Chapter 1: Kataiko**

The leaves dripped red with blood, the branches lay broken. For once, the forest fell silent, as if in reverence for the tragedy that had just passed, but the cruel sun still shone down. Such was the start of the chuunin exams for Team 18.

The test had barely begun when they fell prey to another team: An older team, wiser and more skilled than themselves. They were caught off guard and the battle was brief. The leader fell almost immediately, stabbed through the chest before she even sensed the blade. The second took a hard blow to the head and fell from the treetops, down through the branches. Only one remained, and she was forced to flee: Her jutsu was useless in close combat. Her sole comfort was the knowledge that if she survived, she could return for the bodies of her fallen friends.

But she didn't know—one was yet alive.

An hour passed, perhaps two, and in the shadowy underbrush, a figure stirred. She was a waif of a girl, no older than 14, and her gold-blonde hair fell loose about her shoulders. Groaning, she slowly pushed herself to her bloodied knees and pressed a hand against her throbbing head. Sticky, matted hair met her fingers, and her hand came away bloody. She groaned again. That explained the headache. Now, if only she could remember how she'd ended up this way…

Despite the pain in her head, she wracked her brain, trying to remember anything that might be of use. And then she began to panic when she realized—she couldn't remember _anything. _Not where she was, or where she had come from, or most frightening, who she even was. She couldn't even recall her name.

Grief threatened to overtake her and she choked back a sob, but she knew she would find no answers here. She had to move on. And so, with a deep breath to steady her nerves and ease her pain, she staggered to her feet and started off into the forest.

She had not traveled far when she stumbled upon a body hanging from the trees. So bloodied and broken it was, that it took her several moments to realize that it was a girl not much older than herself. To make matters worse, the body was fresh—still warm and dripping blood—and the eyes stared blankly down at her from the branches. Something struck her then, deep within her heart—not fear, but an inexplicable sorrow—and she fell to her knees and vomited. This girl was someone she'd known.

When the shock had passed and her limbs stopped their shaking, she lowered the corpse from the branches and laid it out on the forest floor. Almost tenderly, she closed the eyes with her bruised fingers and pressed a kiss to the girl's bloodied forehead. "I'm sorry," She whispered. "I don't remember your name. But I promise; I won't let you be forgotten."

The corpse seemed to relax then, and looked at peace. The girl stood and prepared to leave, but something suddenly caught her eye: A book—old and tattered—was peeking from the dead girl's torn pants pocket. She considered leaving it out of respect for the dead, but if this girl had indeed been a friend, it could very well hold a clue to her identity, and so she took it. Retreating a fair distance from the body, she sat down and opened to the first page…

A twig snapped somewhere in the shadows and she startled. Reading would have to wait, she realized. The forest was a dangerous place and she could not afford to let her guard down, or she might suffer a worse fate than a forgotten past. She tucked the book into an empty pouch on her belt and slipped off through the trees…

* * *

The late afternoon sun beat down and made her sweat; beads of moisture dripping into already stinging wounds. Her memories still evaded her, save ones of blood and violence that had clearly taken place here in this forest, and she was beginning to lose hope that she would ever recover them.

Sighing deeply, she sank against a tree for a much needed rest. She was contemplating a quick peek at the dead girl's book when something—or someone—passed through the trees overhead. Someone, she decided. It had to be a someone. She could have sworn she'd heard voices as they disappeared into the trees… That someone, she mused, might know a way out of the forest, and so, against her better judgment, she put the book from her mind and took to the trees once more…

It didn't take long before she found the source of the voices—two boys and one girl—standing in the treetops not far from where she'd been. Wary of danger, she stopped at a distance, but curiosity kept her just close enough to make out what was being said. The girl spoke first, clearly flustered as she raked a hand through her gold-blonde hair. "Gaara, we need to rest." She said, her breathing heavy. "Kankuro and I don't have your stamina."

The smaller of the two boys—a red-head sporting a giant gourd on his back—stared her down with cold eyes and for a moment she seemed to break beneath his gaze. Then the second boy, garbed in black and a cat-eared hood, cautiously added, "Please. We only need a few minutes."

A moment of tense silence followed before the red-head gave a brief nod. "Three minutes." He told them, his voice soft but threatening. "I am going on ahead. Don't keep me waiting." And then he was gone.

Deciding it would be best to make herself scarce and follow only from a very safe distance, the girl turned to leave… And found the red-head standing behind her, staring at her with cold, blue eyes. Startled, she lost her footing and nearly fell from the treetops for the second time that day, but the red-head grabbed her by the wrist and hauled her upright with surprising strength. "You were following us." He growled, his grip tightening. "Why?"

Trying to squirm from his vice-like grasp, she stuttered, "I'm lost." And when he did not reply, she added, "I just want to follow you out of the forest, please…"

The red-head released her so suddenly she could not get her feet under her in time, and she bruised her tailbone on the branch as she landed. "You will find no help here." He said. "Leave, or I will kill you."

For some reason—perhaps it was something she saw in his eyes, or perhaps it was imagined—she didn't believe that he would really hurt her, but she decided not to press her luck. One near-death experience was enough for one day, and so, with a rub of her very sore rump, she disappeared into the canopy. The red-head watched her go, she noticed, before leaving in the opposite direction.

When she felt she'd retreated to a safe distance she stopped. The boy may not help her willingly, but she was in desperate need of a way out of the forest and she realized she may not find another way. Besides, there was that something in the boy's eyes… It took her some time to recognize it, but when she did she felt she understood.

What she'd seen in the red-head's eyes; it was pain.

* * *

She followed the red-head and his team for quite some time, all the while her mind racing with questions she wanted to ask him. Some of the questions were answered as she listened to their banter: The red-head's name was Gaara, and his teammates were in fact his siblings. The cat-eared boy was Kankuro, and Temari, the girl, was eldest of the three. They were traveling in the forest as part of a competition called the "chuunin exams," and that term sounded familiar to her. She must have been competing too, hence the immediate distrust Gaara had shown her: They were rivals.

Other questions proved harder to answer: What was the source of Gaara's pain? Why was he hiding it? And of course, why had he let her live? After learning of the competition, she realized that he had no reason to pity her, and by all means should have killed her before she'd even known he was there. So why? Perhaps he did not want to waste his time and energy; if he left her behind in the forest, it would only be a matter of time before death claimed her.

No matter the reason, she did not think she would be so lucky a second time, and so she made a conscious effort to remain unseen. In all truth, she managed quite well until the siblings stopped short in a clearing. For a brief moment she feared she'd been found out, but then she saw them: three men in the clearing blocking Gaara's passage, and they looked like trouble.

A moment passed when she contemplated sneaking closer—they were just out of earshot—but the arrival of yet another trio halted her step. On the ground to her left they appeared, another group of two boys and a girl, though these three looked younger—inexperienced like her. One boy wore shades and a high collared coat, the other carried a puppy in his arms, and the girl in her tan sweater bore a look of true fright. At the very least she was sure the latter two sensed her presence in the treetops, but they didn't seem to regard her as a threat, and she turned her attention—along with theirs—back to Gaara.

The tall imposing man at the front of the clearing stared Gaara down, speaking what she could only imagine were insults. Gaara's face remained as marble, unfazed as he gave a short reply. At his back, Temari and Kankuro looked shaken, and from the trees she could just make out Kankuro urging Gaara to think before charging into a fight. Gaara seemed content to ignore them, and then the enemy attacked…

The tall man threw six parasols in the air and they hovered, spinning, over the clearing. Level with them from her perch in the trees, the girl watched in amazement. Needles rained down from the parasols, piercing everything beneath them and the girl held her breath, inexplicably worried for Gaara's safety…

She paused then while the dust was clearing and asked herself: Why? Why was she worried for the boy that had threatened to kill her not an hour earlier? Should she not feel a thrill of relief at his pain and suffering? Would that not be more rational?

And then, as the dirt settled and she breathed a sigh of relief to see Gaara safely encased in a shell of sand, it hit her. Pain; it was his sad and suffering eyes that made her feel for him. Perhaps it said something about the personality she did not remember, but she could not bear the thought of seeing more pain inflicted on a person already so burdened. Somehow, deep down she knew—pain did crazy things to people—pain had done something to her…

Somehow nothing mattered after that: Not Gaara's brutal murder of the three men before him, not the subtle threats he murmured to his siblings… Nothing mattered because she knew that all Gaara wanted—no, needed—was someone to acknowledge his pain.

A voice sounded behind her then, and she jumped, suddenly aware that she'd lost sight of Gaara. "I thought I told you to leave," She heard him say, his voice low and menacing. "Or I will kill you. Was I unclear?"

Sand twined itself around her ankles—no doubt under Gaara's control—and crept up her legs, getting more and more constricting as it climbed. She had seen first-hand what Gaara could do, but she was no longer afraid. "No," She replied softly, relaxing into the sand that now encased her to the shoulders. "You were not unclear."

"So, you seek death." Gaara smirked, his face darkening with twisted pleasure.

The sand grew tighter.

Her face softened. "I have simply seen into your heart," She whispered. "And I am not afraid of what I see there."

"You have seen nothing," He said, but she felt the sand begin to falter.

She pulled her hands—bloodied and bruised—free of the sand and placed them on her chest. "I know pain when I see it."

The sand fell away and Gaara—eye's narrowed—looked her over briefly before turning his back. "I will not spare you a third time." He growled, and then he was gone.

* * *

She was growing weary and dizzy from her wounds when Gaara appeared before her for the third and final time. He did not attack, but she could see the urge in his eyes and the tense set of his shoulders. "You are too stubborn for your own good." He said. "And stupid. Do I not frighten you at all?"

Dizziness threatened to make her fall as she shook her head. "I have no reason to fear you."

Gaara gasped her arm and motioned to a silver plated band that had escaped her notice until now. Her brow furrowed as she realized that the symbol was identical to the one that Gaara wore. "You are from my village." He said bitterly, releasing her arm as suddenly as he had taken it. "You have every reason."

When she did not reply, he ventured, "What is your name?"

"I—I don't remember." She sighed. Her knees began to tremble with fatigue and blood loss and though she tried to hide it, she knew her strength was fading. Even her voice faltered as she whispered, "I don't remember anything."

Gaara watched, emotionless, as the girl fell to her knees—not out of fear, but sheer exhaustion. Struggling, she tried to stand once more—no doubt to follow him when he left—but Gaara firmly pushed her back to the ground. "You are too stubborn for your own good." He said. "Stay here, and pray that you die before your memory finds you."

The forest floor caught her tired body, the force with which he pushed her enough to keep her down this time. But still she reached—grasping after him as he turned to leave—and by chance catching hold of his long sash with her bloody hands. "Don't leave me alone…" She murmured, tears burning at the corners of her eyes.

Almost violently, the sash was pulled from her shaking hands, and Gaara glared down at her with angry eyes. "Die swiftly, for your own sake." He growled. "And should you find your strength, Kataiko, do not come after me again, for I will not show mercy."

"Kataiko?" The girl asked, her voice already fading.

Gaara turned away. "I had to call you something."

* * *

**Authors note**: This is an edit of one of my really old stories, part of which is on my old account here...but as I cannot access the email to get my password that I have forgotten, I have a new account. The old one is **Seeker Of The Charter** if you are interested. But like I said, I can't access that one anymore.

That said, I will update as I write for those of you who like the story so far. I cannot promise how frequently that will be as I am a new Mom, and packing to move at this point in time. So, if you enjoy it, please be patient with me...I will update when I can.

Thanks to those of you who've read!


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